im back and horny as ever ;)

suckanut

Step 6: Give up. Just give up. Because in this life you just can't win.

Peace.

Shit... Fil leaves today to Yokota.. shit he already left.. and I wasn't able to see him off. That fucking sucks...

Fil was like my first friend here in Yokosuka, followed soon after by Will, Irving, Fred, and Lyndon. I remember fantasy books, Warcraft (a totally nex concept to me, I;d never heard of warcraft before Fil), and the Ataris. Hahah shit he helped me get my footing here, and then all of you guys held me stable.

Chuck is leaving in December, yet adding another one to the list of those gone, another friend from eighth grade. There is one thing that I'm pissed about, and that is that Chuck didn't introduce me ot you guys when we were in eighth grade and I knew him, then I could have had more awesome times.

Raynor Bugayong, Jonathan Clements, William Elizalde, Dennis Hirata, Lexan Jaravta, Raquel Ng, and last, and definitely least, me.

These will soon shall be the remaining, the "WTFQRemnants" as Aaron puts it.

Jon is going out with Angie... Jon is going out with Angie?? Jon is going out with Angie!!!

I may already know the answer, but I feel we will all know soon enough if this is just another Jon's jests or, for once, a truth.

I love my guitar, I named her Layla, and she's blue.

Jon is going out with Angie?!

I wish you the very luck Will, I think you too will be good together, though I don't know her all too well.

Shit, I'll soon be the only one coupleless. But it's alright, I've all but given up. I mean, who wants an overweight, not-even-mediocrely-looking guy who has no talents or anything? I mean, I can't make people laugh no matter what, I doubt I've made much of an impact on anyone, I can't brighten anyone just by being there, I'm just not "boyfriend material".... definitely not someone at this school, and espcially not her...

Don't worry guys, I'm not turning emo on you, and I'm definitely not emo.

I'm a realist.

I'm an idealist.

I am the one you will look back on in ten years and ask yourself "Did I know him?"

My point is, without being stated or hinted anywhere on this blog, I don't think, is that you guys have done so much for me, but I don't feel I've done anything for anyone else.

Mike not feeling so Magic...

 not rite now at least =)

I wish I could just hold her in my arms and chase away all of her problems.

I'll say more later... maybe

This one mite be pretty long...

Right now I feel sad, mad, stupid, ashamed, embarrased, and confused. Pretty wild, huh?

Sad because I want to be in Virginia, not here...

Mad, stupid, ashamed, and embarrased because of something i just realized... I'll go into detail later...

Confused because I could have sworn I was over her...

I don't like "her" anymore... and I realized I never did. That's why i feel mad, at myself for being such a retard, saying all these things that didn't hold true... well not about her anyways. All this time I had used her as an excuse. I though if i said I liked "Japan", I couldn't like "Virginia" anymore -- shit I'll juss use their names -- I guess in a way I had tried to replace edlene with kel to forget about her... it almost worked to.. until i got to virginia. and i hate myself for doing that.. funny thing is i didn't even realize it until a few days ago.

Subconcious sucks ass!! (or however the hell you spell it)

That's why I feel ashamed and embarrased.. I had led you all on, except aaron of course who knows all and sed he had expected this haha, making you think i had all these feelings for kel.. making myslef think i had these feelings for kel... when really they were for edlene.. sorry guys...

This isn't like before.. before I had left, thinking of her made me sad, but it shouldn't be like that, I guess it was just my mindset and attitude about life at that time, I wasn't always "Life is Good" =), I always told myself I had no chance with her. But now, whenever I think of her I'm happy, even if i do have no chance with her =P.

Virginia was great.. the wedding was awesome, my second cousin is the cutest whitest part filipino baby I have ever seen, and I got to see all my old friends from CSAT, and met some new ones.

She's so great. She doesn't have semmed to change, but something is definitely different, maybe I just couldn't remember how she used to be.. but that night befoer I left.. as I looked into her eyes (I have no idea what she was looking at, if not me then something past me in my direction, though all there was was a piano), I couldn't look away, I felt something I had never before, time had stopped and I felt weightless... but then she rested her head on his shoulder and life went into fast forward, and i felt all my guts rush back into me...

fuck...

she has a boyfriend...

and hes a pretty kewl guy too...

but thats ok, I'm happy for her.

Edlene, if you're reading this, I don't want this changing anything when get back okay.. I'll still be the kewl mikey you met for those three days =).

"The months they don't matter it's the days I can't take..." I 'll see you guys in Virginia in  6-9 months... I promise.

Magic Mike